When Do I Say Goodbye?

There is no universal answer to this question.  The decision to euthanize is completely individual and personal.  It's important to realize that any decision you make is the right one for you and your beloved pet.  If you are having trouble deciding whether or not to euthanize, consider the following questions:

• How is my pet's quality of life?
• Does my pet have the dignity he/she deserves?
• Do the good days outnumber the bad?
• Is my pet able to do the things that make him/her happy?
• How does my pet's life compare now to his/her life before the illness?
• Can I continue to adequately care for my pet in his/her illness, both time-wise and financially?
• Am I ready to make this decision?

If you do decide to euthanize your pet, you may consider the following options:

• If circumstances allow, you may choose to spend special time doing something that your pet loves, such as basking in the sun or sleeping together on the sofa.
• It is important to be honest with childresn about the situation, rather than make up a story ("Rover went to live on a farm").  Facing the grief will help them move on in the long run.
• You may want to memorialize your pet by making a paw print on paper or in clay, or by taking pictures.
• You may want to decide how you want you pet's death to take place.  Options may include euthanizing at home, cremating or burying the body, or spending alone time with your pet before and after euthanasia.

Making the right decision to euthanize never feels 100% right, but it is often the best decision for a pet in pain.  We believe that ending suffering is the last kind gift you can give to your pet, and is the truest expression of unselfish love.

Grief

Our pets are our family, and love us in an unconditional way that we often don't experience in our other relationships.  Grieving the illness or loss of our pet can feel overwhelming and isolating, especially among people who don't understand the intense love we can feel for an animal.

According to Kubler-Ross, grief has five basic stages.  You may experience them one by one in no particular order, or even all at once.  The way you grieve is completely individual to you.

• Stage 1: Denial. You try to push away the pain by denying its exsistence: "This can't be happening."
• Stage 2: Anger. You want to lash out at friends, family, the world in general, or even at yourself: "Who is to blame?"
• Stage 3: Bargaining. You try to strike a deal with yourself, your veterinarian or a higher power, to delay death or change the situation: "If you make the cancer go away, I'll give my life savings to charity."
• Step 4: Depression. This is often the longest stage.  You become silent, spend much of your time crying, and/or retreat from others: "Why do anything? What's the point?"
• Step 5: Acceptance. You come to terms with your loss or trauma, and integrate the change into your new life: "It's going to be okay."

It can take any amount of time to make your way from denial to acceptance.  Don't rush yourself, and avoid talking to people who think you should "get over it" because it's "only" a pet.  Meanwhile, the following steps can help you deal with your grief during this tough time:

• Take care of your body.  Make sure you eat if you're hungry, sleep 6-8 hours per night, and get a moderate amount of exercise.
• Maintain your routine.  While it may feel surreal to do the things you normally do, a sense of structure will help you get through the initial difficult days and weeks.
• Talk about it.  Express your feelings to friends, family, other pet lovers, a grief counselor or a qualified therapist.  See "Resources for Support" below for a list of help lines staffed by veterinarians, veterinary students and veterinary staff.
• Write about it.  Some people find comfort in memorializing all the happy times they've had with a pet.  Some also create scrapbooks or photo albums.
• Create a ritual.  A memorial service, burial or scattering of ashes can help bring closure to the loss of a pet who has passed.
• Allow yourself to grieve. Don't put expectations on yourself to feel a certain way by a certain time.  It takes as long as it takes.

Resources for support:

These help lines are staffed by veterinary students, veterinarians, and veterinary staff.

University of California 530-752-4200 or 800-565-1526

University of Florida 352-392-4700, dial 1 and then 4080

Michigan State University 517-432-2696

Chicago VMA 630-603-3994

Virginia-Maryland Regional College of Veterinary Medicine 540-231-8038

Ohio State University 614-292-1823

Tufts University 508-839-7966

Iowa State University College of Veterinary Medicine 888-ISU-PLSH Pet Loss Suport Hotline

Cornell University 607-253-3932 Pet Loss Support Hotline or http://www.vet.cornell.edu/Org/PetLoss/

University of Illinois 217-244-2273, 800-394-2273 (CARE) or www.cvm.uiuc.edu/CARE/