Having a pet in our lives is a great and wonderful responsibility. They share everything with us from major life changes to the ups and downs of daily life. They are the best friends we have for accepting us as we are. But, one day, that one constant in our lives will also become one of our losses. One of the most difficult and important parts of grief and loss is seeking to understand what has happened and that what you are feeling is all right. You have the right to grieve. The trick is to allow yourself the time to do so.

There are many stages to grief. No two people experience them the same way, or in the same order or time frame.

Basically, the stages include:

  1. Shock/Disbelief – the reality of death has not yet been accepted by the bereaved.
  2. Anger – the grief stricken person often lashes out at family, friends, themselves or the world in general. Feelings of guilt and fear can also be felt at this stage.
  3. Bargaining – the bereaved asks for a deal or reward
  4. Depression – occurs as a reaction to the changed way of life created by the loss.
  5. Acceptance/Resolution/Recovery – changes brought upon the person by the loss are stabilized into a new lifestyle.    

Ideally, these stages are supposed to progress from stages one through five in predictable fashion, but often this just does not happen. Many people don’t advance through all the stages, and almost everyone will be thrown back into and out of these stages before healing truly begins. Another problem with pet loss is that it is not taken seriously by people who do not view pets as family members. For some people it is silly to grieve over a pet. This fear of not being understood causes many pet owners to suppress their feelings, which is not healthy. These feelings are real and need to be experienced for healing to begin.

Some suggestions for coping with pet loss include:

  1. Take good care of your body. The body is the container of the mind which is now feeling intense emotion. Nurture yourself in the following ways to help with the grieving process: Nutrition: eat healthy meals even if you are not hungry. Sleep: be sure to get 5-8 hours daily. Exercise: even walking will help your mood in this difficult time.
  2. Talk with people who can empathize with your grief. Consistent interaction and sharing with those you feel comfortable around will be most beneficial.
  3. Maintain structure in your life by continuing to do the activities you did before the loss.
  4. Allow yourself to feel sadness and loss.

We get much love and delight from our beloved pets in life, and we grieve deeply for them when they die. Because of the unique enhancement they give to our lives they become a treasured part of us forever. As with any loss, you do not really get over it. You get through it and assimilate the experience, so that life and death of the one you love becomes part of your life story – part of what makes you uniquely you.

VETERINARY CANCER CARE offers grief support. This gathering is to help those who have recently lost a beloved pet, or those who are helping their pet through a critical illness. All are invited to attend and share their feelings to help others in a similar situation. The meetings are every other Monday at 6:30p.m please call for the next meeting date.

Other resources for support:

These help lines are staff by veterinary students, veterinarians and veterinary staff.

University of California 530-752-4200 or 800-565-1526

University of Florida 352-392-4700, dial 1 and then 4080

Michigan State University 517-432-2696

Chicago VMA 630-603-3994

Virginia-Maryland Regional College of Veterinary Medicine 540-231-8038

Ohio State University 614-292-1823

Tufts University 508-839-7966

Iowa State University College of Veterinary Medicine 888-ISU-PLSH Pet Loss Suport Hotline

Cornell University 607-253-3932 Pet Loss Support Hotline or http://www.vet.cornell.edu/Org/PetLoss/

University of Illinois 217-244-2273, 800-394-2273 (CARE) or www.cvm.uiuc.edu/CARE/